Secret lovers never argue over cheese

Secret lovers never argue over cheese
(source: Les amants ne se dispute pas à propos du fromage. Journal Métro, November 6, 2012. Voir plus bas pour la version Française.)

My wife and I have a constant battle over cheese. When she opens a package, she leaves it in the original container and then stuffs it into an old milk bag. I prefer to remove the old packaging and wrap it in plastic wrap so as to lessen the chance of hardening or going moldy. It’s just a thing I have about cheese, so cut me some slack! I suppose my marriage will survive this crisis but the last time I looked at my...

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Posted on 16 Nov 2012
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Love lists

We almost all have a list of ideal qualities sought in a mate. Some make lists out of fun but others take them quite seriously. Lists tend to lean heavily, albeit not exclusively, on physical traits. But you may notice that while physical traits lead us to form connections with others, it is the psychological ones that keep us together. And psychological traits take time to unearth. This pretty well implies there is little point in trying to decide who or what you will like ahead of time. It may be best to forget your list, or at least to have a pretty broad one, and just get to know...

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Posted on 22 Oct 2012
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Gun culture

The papers and never short of heartbreaking stories but this is one that really stands out. (See story here)

A few days ago, Jeffrey Giuliano shot to death an intruder believed to be breaking into his sister’s house. The intruder had on a ski mask and was holding a knife. It turned out the dead intruder was Giuliano’s son Tyler. It is unclear whether Tyler was pulling some sort of prank or if he had intended to rob his aunt but I wonder how this changes anything.

If it was a prank, this is just another death consistent with the fact that if you own a gun you are more likely to shoot a...

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Posted on 03 Oct 2012
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40

Pavlov’s tree

The Helen tree
(Voir plus bas pour la version Française: L’arbre d’Hélène)

Photo from Ace of Blades Lawn Mowing website

One weekend, while mowing my lawn and working my way around a particular tree, I thought about an argument I had with a woman named Helen. I quickly forgot about the incident and finished my lawn. The following Saturday I was back behind my lawnmower. When I came to the same tree I vividly remembered the argument and felt the same churning in my guts. This feeling lasted for a few moments and went away. The problem is it kept coming back every time I mowed around the...

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Posted on 25 Sep 2012
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32

Goodbye, Old Friend

(Voir plus bas pour version Française)

It was finally time to put our old dog to sleep last week. He had cancer and it was spreading fast. When he no longer wagged his tail upon seeing a member of the family, we called the vet.

Deagan was not our first pet to die and won’t be the last. People who don’t like pets will never get it but for those who do, losing an animal means saying goodbye to a very close friend.

All pets are special to their owners but Deagan was unique in many ways. We adopted him when he was five. He had been trained as a guide dog and as such had a calm and gentle...

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Posted on 05 Sep 2012
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42

I can touch my ceiling…and other great Olympic feats!

In honour of the Olympic Games, here is a hybrid version of something I wrote four years ago (Citius-Altius-Fortius), a column I published in today’s Métro, and some new material: (Voir plus bas pour la version Française abrégée).

The Olympics and I go way back. I was in the 1976 games in Montreal. Well…more like “at” the games rather than “in,” but let’s not get technical. I was 17 and my summer job was to work crowd control. We were all hired for six weeks even though the games took place over the last two. For the first four weeks, we were asked to make sure no trouble happened around...

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Posted on 31 Jul 2012
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34

The house of cards and the stack of chips

I don’t normally work with kids but one day I was called by a colleague whose nephew was struggling with exam anxiety. Having watched my video on youth anxiety, he asked if he could see me. Now anxiety is anxiety, whether in adolescents or adults, but I don’t normally work with clients so young. I tend to use rational arguments to help clients overcome anxiety and I knew my normal language would have been a little too complex for this young man. Instead I used an image to illustrate how our beliefs affect our emotions.

The analogy I used has to do with core beliefs we hold. If I believe I...

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Posted on 17 Jul 2012
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42

Aiming high and the pursuit of goals

Some people just don’t seem to care much about things while others seem to make an issue of everything. Our standards determine much of human achievement…and happiness. Except happiness doesn’t always seem to correlate with achievement.

In today’s column in Métro, I tell a story of two salesmen, each of whom have very high standards. Both pursue these standards and achieve equal success. Unfortunately, only one of them feels successful. This is because of how they each see their goals.

Many people aim high. Some do so because they want to achieve a great deal. Others do so to avoid...

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Posted on 03 Jul 2012
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33

OK, Big Guy, whatever you do, don’t look nervous!

Ain’t anxiety a bitch? It always seems to come when you least want it. The more you hope to stay calm, the more anxiety you feel. Hmm, I wonder if there’s a pattern there?

Anxiety is the body’s alarm in response to a threat. If you see a bear in the woods…ding ding…the alarm rings and you run like hell. Anxiety protects us by making us run away from, or fight against, a danger. But when anxiety becomes the bear we have a serious problem. If we are afraid of being anxious, any little sign of nervousness will trigger the anxiety alarm (OH NO! I can’t feel anxious!) Ding. Ding. More anxiety....

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Posted on 24 Jun 2012
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32

You talk too much

You talk too much!
(Source: Tu parle trop! Journal Métro, June 05, 2012) (Vois plus bas pour version Française)

We each have two ears and one mouth. Unfortunately there are many people who don’t use those features in appropriate proportions.

You know the type. They ask you a simple straightforward question and then take another ten minutes explaining why they asked you the question…or those who answer your simple question with their entire family history…or those who take up precious time telling you about every app they downloaded since they last cornered you in the hallway. They may be...

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Posted on 15 Jun 2012
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