I suppose a little paranoia is good. It keeps us on our toes. As threats become more real, paranoia becomes an ally. The problem is that in normal times, the hyper-vigilance caused by paranoia and fear can seriously ruin what we are trying to protect.
In my column of May 3, using an analogy of a terrorist threat, I explore how insecurity can cause problems in relationships.
Insecurity and hyper-vigilance
(Source: Menace et hypervigilance. Journal Métro, May 3, 2011)
What would happen if you heard a news report about a highly probable terrorist attack somewhere in Montreal? The source of the information is described as reliable and credible. You are advised to be extremely vigilant until further notice. Nevertheless, you are told not to stop conducting your normal business since the threat may last for several days or even weeks and, more importantly, we are reminded how important it is not to live in fear. How would you go about your daily activities?
On the lookout for the bearded man
If you are normal, chances are you would see potential terrorists everywhere. Any man with a beard would make you react. As would someone who seems to be wearing a heavy coat, or even anyone who seems to be fidgety or uncomfortable. In other words, you would see potential terrorists everywhere. Unfortunately you would also see many innocent people as criminals.
Such is the nature of fear and mistrust. It increases our vigilance, and hyper-vigilance turns the normal into the threatening. This principle does not only apply to the fear of a terrorist attack. It applies to any situation we feel insecure about. Insecurities concerning highway overpasses, deadly strains of influenza, or the safety of nuclear facilities are a few recent examples.
On the lookout for the break-up
The negative effects of hyper-vigilance are especially important when it comes to relationships. If we are insecure in our relationship, we will be hyper-vigilant to signs of potential problems. A far off look in the eyes of your partner, an unreturned phone call, a minor disagreement, or an insignificant criticism, all become signs of a potential break-up. Unfortunately, over-reacting to normal events does nothing except add tension to the relationship. Ironically, this can often increase the likelihood of the break-up you may be trying to avoid.
Vigilance, fed by a normal dose of anxiety, is good. Being aware of potential threats to our health or welfare will often help us catch problems before it’s too late. Hyper-vigilance, fed by an overdose of anxiety, is not. Nothing we do can work as an absolute guarantee against harm. The more anxious we are the more we become focussed on this uncertainty. When we want to avoid problems at all costs, our insecurity will push us over the line into hyper-vigilance. When this happens we only damage the lives or the relationships we are trying to protect.
Tagged as fear, hyper-vigilance, insecurity, paranoia, terrorist threats.
Posted in Anxiety, Relationships.
Posted on 24 May 2011
