Very few of us would want to give a bad impression to others, especially when we find ourselves in a new situation. That goes without saying. Unfortunately we cannot always guarantee that the impression we give others will be a good one. In general, while it is important to be aware of the effect we have on others, too much of an effort to control what others think normally backfires.
I was invited to write an article for Speed magazine. One of their editors worked with me and asked if I could write something that could be relevant to their readership of young professionals. I was reminded of a former client who had trouble fitting into the corporate world and decided to focus on the theme of social anxiety as it relates to the importance of making a good impression in new work situations.
The editor friend of mine left the magazine before submitting the article so it got orphaned. I decided to use it for the Journal Métro column. Since their format is considerably shorter, I cut about two thirds of the original content. The beauty of this blog is that I could post both versions! Take your pick. The first block quote is the shorter version published in French in Métro. The original unpublished version is in the second block quote. It includes a more detailed discussion of the impostor syndrome and offers some perspectives on how to deal with it.
Making a good impression: Who cares?
(Source: Journal Métro, July 15, 2008: Faire bonne impression: Vraiment?)
You may have heard that making a good first impression is important. That may be true in most cases but trying too hard could sometimes make things worse. Let me tell you a little story.Albert: Oddball or nice guy?
Albert was socially anxious and very concerned with making a good impression. He consulted because of depression and anxiety after being fired from an important job. The reason for his dismissal was simple. He was hired for his ideas and yet, because he never wanted to say something stupid, he never said a word at meetings. He gave the false impression of having no good ideas to offer.Albert’s next job was a major step down but proved to be a valuable learning experience. Through a series of chance connections, (a friend of a friend), Albert learned what a co-worker thought of him. Apparently when they first met, the co-worker thought Albert was an oddball who never said much and didn’t seem too friendly. Over time though, he loved working with Albert, finding him to be super nice, funny, and smart. This gave Albert an honest glimpse into the impression he gave others. It turns out that when he was trying not to give a bad impression, he appeared aloof and odd. Over time, when he stopped trying so hard, the impression he gave was of his true self; an easy going, smart, and extremely funny guy that everyone loved working with.
Giving the right impression
We are always told that first impressions are important. In some acute situations like speed dates or job interviews they are, but not in more ongoing situations like relationships and jobs. Have you ever been wrong about your initial impression of someone? How often have you been disappointed in someone while being pleasantly surprised by others?In reality most of you will not find yourselves with new people every day. Over time people will eventually know who you are and will not judge you on today’s performance alone. You must trust that your strengths will eventually show. Be yourselves and don’t force it. The true impressions that emerge over time will usually be better than any false impressions you try to project.
PS on Albert
Albert eventually did get a new job in a large multinational corporation. He stopped filtering everything he said, and trusted his abilities. After only a few months the company president gave him a major promotion. Albert is now in charge of all the managers that he had previously been reporting to. I guess he did have some good ideas to contribute after all.
Here is the longer original version:
Making a good impression: Who cares?
Are you concerned with what people think of you? Do you think it’s important to project the proper image? Let me tell you a little story.
Albert: Oddball or nice guy?
I once met with a client named Albert who was socially anxious and very concerned with making a good impression. He consulted because of depression and anxiety after being fired from an important job in a large multinational corporation. The reason for his dismissal was simple. He was hired for his ideas and yet because he never wanted to say something stupid he never said a word at meetings. He gave the false impression of having no good ideas to offer.Albert’s next job was a major step down but proved to be quite a valuable learning experience. Through a series of chance connections, (a friend of a friend), Albert was able to learn what his co-worker thought of him. Apparently the co-worker really loved working with him. Albert learned that, “At first he thought you were kind of odd. You never said much and didn’t seem too friendly. When he got to know you though, he found you to be super nice, funny, and smart.
Tagged as first impressions, impostor syndrome, Social anxiety.
Posted on 06 Aug 2008
