There are no two ways about it. Some people are able to let thinks go while others are obsessive nutcases. Actually those two types of people may reside inside the same individual. After all, don’t we all have have our own little obsessions. For example, I know lots of crazy wine lovers. They go on and on about tannins, long noses, round mouths and hints of roasted nuts or some such gibberish. Me? Well I pretty much care only that the alcohol in just a couple of glasses has the magical effect of making me and everyone around me far more interesting. On the other hand, I’m pretty crazy when it comes to audio speakers and bikes. I could probably take hours of your time explaining why an $8000 bike is better than a $5000 dollar one. The man who just doesn’t get why people get worked up about wine becomes the nutcase when the topic changes to bicycles. Go figure.
My June 1st column was called Toilet Paper Wars, a fictional tale that explores the tendency to want things done a certain way. Hobbies and indulgences such as wine or bikes won’t cause problems if they can be afforded and if they do not interfere in other people’s lives. But our obsessive tendencies almost always have a way of affecting others. In the column, I take some minor examples and show how they can grate on the nerves when we keep insisting on them. Living with other adults almost invariably will result in clashes when it comes to questions of how things ought to be done. Some of us are better at letting these things go than others. When two people both rigidly hang on to their views, or when one just doesn’t care enough to pay attention, all hell breaks loose! No matter how small a problem is, without the ability to let go or compromise, it will soon become a big problem.
I think one of the problems is that we get caught up in our standards. When we are in a mindset of having a specific goal in our heads (“The toilet paper roll is better when placed this way in the dispenser”, or “This bike is quicker when accelerating up a hill”), anything short of that goal is upsetting. On the other hand, if we make a minor change to our mindsets (“I suppose the toilet paper still w***s well even though it came off the dispenser from the bottom” or “This bike is still really, really good, I only lost .00002 milliseconds going up that hill!), we may find it easier to let go. It’s kind of like getting a minor slap on the back of the head as a wake up call…kind of like my Italian mother used to do to me when she would say, “Stop being an idiot!”
Toilet paper wars
(Source: Les guerres de papier de toilette. Journal Métro, June 1, 2010)
Joe has one of those crazy obsessions. His toilet paper rolls must have the first sheet coming over the top rather than from underneath. That’s just the way it has to be! His roommate, Bob, likes to mess with Joe’s mind and flips the toilet paper roll over each time he uses the bathroom. One day you may read about Joe and Bob in the newspaper. The story will undoubtedly involve a dead body found in a pool of blood. At the scene of the crime, Joe will be taken away in handcuffs mumbling something about Bob having had it coming.
Our little obsessions
This little fictional story, perhaps without the tragic end, is lived in almost all of our homes. When two people live together, they will inevitably run into each other’s little obsessions; Should the ketchup bottle be kept upside down in the fridge? Should the car be backed into the driveway or go in straight? Should the TV channel get changed at the first hint of a commercial? And what about leaving the lights on…or the lid up…or hair in the sink…or smothering every damned meal in hot sauce before you even taste it?!!!
Dealing with our obsessions
I too am irked when the toilet paper comes out from underneath. But while I don’t know what on earth would possess someone to put it in that way, I won’t insist on it – not usually anyways.
The problem with obsessions is not with their existence, but with our insistence on them.There is nothing wrong with standards, but in the extreme application of such standards things can get pretty ugly.
The issue is one of mindset. When we think there is a problem, we naturally want to fix it. When the solution appears simple and obvious, at least to us, it should be easy to implement. This leads to a greater expectation that the right thing will be done, which of course leads to greater frustration when it isn’t.
Change your mindset or change your roommate
If we have a mindset of insisting on things being done the “correct” way, something will have to give. Other people will either have to do things our way or we will have to give up on some of our crazy obsessions. Taking a step back from our automatic assumptions will go a long way in changing that mindset. No one, when being rational, will think that toilet paper configuration is a big deal.
Unfortunately, some people would rather change their roommates than their mindsets. Just ask Joe.
Tagged as expectation, frustration, hobbies, Journal Métro, Obsessions, standards.
Posted in Anger and conflict, Human nature, Humour.
Posted on 16 Jun 2010
