Tabula rasa? Not quite.

Here is something I published last week as a follow-up to my last post. I’ll add a few comments at the end.

From whence our characters?
(Source: D’où vient notre charactère? Journal Métro, May 22, 2012) Voir plus bas pour version Française.

In my last column I wrote about the challenge of having – or in the case of adoption, acquiring – children. Of course once we have children we have to figure out what to do with them. Despite dreams of having a baby Mozart, Einstein or Tiger Woods, I think most parents would be satisfied if their children became happy, independent and well-functioning adults. In other words, that they ended up having good characters. But where does character come from and what can parents do to influence it?

Tabula rasa? Not quite.
Many theorists used to believe we were born with a tabula rasa, or clean slate, and that our environment created our character traits. The idea is appealing since it implies we all start out on an equal footing and could all succeed given the right nurturing. Unfortunately, we cannot dismiss nature so easily. The more we learn about personality, the more we realize how important the role of innate temperament is.

Adoption studies
A great deal of research has been done on the nature-nurture debate. Much of our knowledge comes from studies of adopted children, especially ones that examined identical twins adopted by separate families. It turns out that adopted children share about 50% of the character traits of their biological parents and almost none of the traits of their adoptive parents. The environment in which the child is raised accounts for the other 50%.

The world in which we live
You might take heart in the fact that at least you can influence about half of your child’s character but it isn’t quite so simple. Of the 50% that’s left to the environment, almost all of it is taken up by school, culture, friends and events. Parental influence, or the home environment, plays a relatively small role, unless of course it is abusive or particularly unique. Sometimes parents can do little more than sit back and watch the movie. Hey look, this one becomes a musical prodigy, that one is living in the streets, the other one is in law school and that one is unemployed and drifting.

The power of influence
The good news is that in doesn’t take much to have a big impact. A little more of one trait or a little less of another can often make the difference between a happy, well-adjusted life and one filled with struggle. If as parents we try to mould children to our expectations, we may only alienate them and create defiance. If we instead lead by example and try to influence the traits they are born with, we will have far greater impact on the characters that emerge.

I wrote the above because there seems to be an assumption in our world that we can fix most problems with the right approach. But when it comes to parenting, at least, the impact on our children’s characters is not nearly as great as we would hope. Their characters depend a great deal what they are born with (their temperamental make-up). This is seen in children at a very young age well before environment is ever relevant (some mothers even feel the differences in their wombs!). Some kids seem to be always smiling. Some are extremely curious while others seem to show little interest in things. Some seem to have a headstrong determination to crawl through walls to get what they want while others tend to give up more easily.

Common genetics do account for the creation of many similar traits but, even within families, parents are always struck by how different their children are from each other. These inherited traits can manifest themselves very differently from one child to the next. Imagine what it is like for adoptive parents with no common genes? Each of my kids is as different as apples and…um…orange pants!

Nevertheless, a little can go a very long way when it comes to personality. As a psychologist, I am in the business of personalities and facilitating change. But if personality traits are stable (and they certainly are not very amenable to change) why even bother trying? Well, quite simply because it doesn’t take very much to have a big impact. Working with someone’s strengths and trying to influence minor changes can be a very successful formula. But it starts with an assumption that the person will not become someone he or she is not.

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Voici la version Française de la chronique:

D’où vient notre charactère?

Dans ma dernière chronique, j’ai parlé du défi d’avoir (ou d’adopter) des enfants. Bien sûr, une fois qu’on les a, il faut savoir quoi faire avec ! Malgré le rêve d’avoir de petits Mozart, Einstein ou Tiger Woods, je crois que la plupart des parents seraient satisfaits de voir leurs enfants devenir des adultes heureux, indépendants et bien adaptés. Autrement dit, qu’ils aient un bon caractère. D’où vient le caractère? Que peuvent faire les parents pour l’influencer? 

Un esprit vierge? Pas tout à fait.
De nombreux théoriciens croyaient que nous naissions avec un esprit vierge, et que  l’environnement créait les traits de caractère. Cette idée est attrayante, car elle implique que nous débutons sur un pied d’égalité et que nous pourrions tous réussir. Malheureusement, on ne peut pas faire fi de la nature aussi facilement. Plus nous en apprenons sur la personnalité, plus nous constatons l’importance du tempérament inné. 

Études sur l’adoption
Plusieurs recherches ont été réalisées sur le débat « inné/acquis ». Une bonne partie de nos connaissances provient d’études sur les enfants adoptés, particulièrement sur les jumeaux identiques  vivant dans des familles différentes. Ceux-ci présentent environ 50 % des traits de caractère de leurs parents biologiques, et pratiquement aucun de leurs parents adoptifs. L’environnement dans lequel ces enfants grandissent compose l’autre tranche de 50 %. 

Le monde dans lequel nous vivons
Vous pourriez vous consoler en passant qu’il est possible d’influencer la moitié du caractère de votre enfant, mais ce n’est pas aussi simple. Des 50 % qui relèvent de l’environnement, la presque totalité est influencée par l’école, la culture, les amis et les événements. L’influence des parents joue un rôle relativement restreint, à moins qu’il n’y ait des abus ou une situation exceptionnelle. Parfois, les parents ne peuvent pas faire grand-chose de plus que de regarder le film se dérouler : regarde, celui-ci est un prodige en musique, celui-là vit dans la rue, cet autre étudie le droit, et celui-là est un chômeur à la dérive. 

La puissance de l’influence
La bonne nouvelle est qu’il n’en faut pas beaucoup pour avoir de grands effets. Un peu plus d’un trait de personnalité, ou un peu moins, et cela peut représenter toute la différence entre mener une vie heureuse et équilibrée, et tirer le diable par la queue. Si, en tant que parents, nous tentons de modeler nos enfants en fonction de nos attentes, nous risquons de nous les aliéner et de les rendre oppositionnels. Si nous leur donnons plutôt l’exemple, et tentons d’avoir une influence sur les traits de caractères qu’ils avaient à la naissance, cela aura beaucoup plus d’effets sur la personnalité qu’ils développeront.

Tagged as adoption, character, innate temperament, nature-nurture.

Posted in Human nature, Life.

Posted on 29 May 2012