Here is my column from last week. It is part of general talk I give on assertiveness and explains the problems that occur when we let frustrations accumulate too long. They almost invariably blow up in our faces. In order to avoid this problem we must first learn to accept minor frustrations. This involves changing [...]
Category Archives: Anger and conflict
Abuse begets abuse
Today’s column was inspired by the many clients I have met with over the years who felt abused of neglected by their parents. In exploring their histories, the question of what made their parents into the people they became always comes up. Often the impact of an abusive experience can last far longer than one [...]
Am I smarter than a lab rat?
One of the talks I like to give is called Human Nature 101. It discusses a number of classic studies in psychology and relates them to day to day experiences. The talk used to be called Simple and Profound. I called it that because simple principles can often have a profound affect on us. We [...]
Love me, love my broccoli
It’s always amazing to see what triggers someone off. Every once in a while a seemingly innocuous event or statement can really get to us, resulting in a strong emotional reaction (anger, depression, anxiety, etc.). In most cases, this emotion is stirred not so much by the event as it is by the assumptions it [...]
Toilet paper wars
There are no two ways about it. Some people are able to let thinks go while others are obsessive nutcases. Actually those two types of people may reside inside the same individual. After all, don’t we all have have our own little obsessions. For example, I know lots of crazy wine lovers. They go on [...]
La colère
Salut à mes lecteurs Francophone. Voici une entrevue que j’ai donné en 2008 sur la colère.
Sad anniversary
Today is the 20th anniversary of Marc Lépine’s rampage. Yesterday, I was in my car and heard two riveting interviews on CBC’s As It Happens. The first was with Nathalie Provost, who was shot by Lepine. The other was with Monique Lépine, Marc’s mother. I thought it might be a good time to re-post a [...]
Taking back your life
There are always two blows one receives when one is the victim of a crime. The first is the direct loss of material or the sense of violation. This is what the criminal takes. But there is also a second blow, the impact on the victim’s sense of security. This is the consequence that can [...]
With all due respect I think you’re a jerk!
Some of the most obnoxious people I have ever met are psychologists. I’ll never forget the time years ago when I attended the annual convention of the American Psychological Association in Washington, D.C. You would not believe how many restaurant meals were returned during those few days! Apparently psychologists have little trouble asserting themselves. “I’m [...]
I hate you, I miss you
“When angry, count to ten before you speak” “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” In my Metro column last week, I decided to explore the effect of the passage of time on our emotions and how this impacts relationships. The two quotes above help explain why some people constantly live with on-again off-again relationships. In [...]
