What question teaches us more: “What went wrong?” or “What went right?”
“What the hell happened there?” is a question I often find myself asking when the golf ball I just hit goes sailing off into the forest. More often than not I just scratch my head and really have no idea. On the other hand I have noticed that when my drives fly down the middle of the fairways I am usually standing in a balanced position on my follow through. Hmm, I wonder if that means anything?
The reason I bring this up is because there is a trend in clinical psychology championed by Martin Seligman called Positive Psychology. Now let’s get one thing straight. There are far too many of the “touchy-feely” types in clinical psychology. It is already a profession susceptible to fuzzy thinking and quackery that the last thing we need is another positive thinking guru (see also The Power of Positive Thinking?). Nevertheless, positive psychology merits attention and has the potential to influence research and practice in important ways.
The concept is not all that revolutionary but it is a question of the mindset we have when treating people. Whether it concerns psychological well-being or physical health, clinicians are trained to address problems. When you go to your emergency room you are asked where it hurts. If you’re limping, no one will ask you how your hearing is. The same is true in clinical psychology. The first item in all files is “Presenting Problem.” There is a cursory review of other areas, and these sometimes reveal which of them are functioning well, but this is only to ensure that other problems are not missed.
Let’s take an example of physical health. Doctors in a given geographic area can determine the rate of a given disease, such as diabetes, in the population and plan for adequate medical resources. Sometimes hospitals and governments are lucky enough to be able to respond to the demand but more often than not, they are stuck managing crisis situations. On the other hand, there is merit in determining which factors contribute to healthy living and putting resources into promoting them. Prevention is a no-brainer – and a lot cheaper.
The same applies to mental health. Although we cannot always prevent problems and we must address them when they do arise, we mustn’t ignore the lessons of our successes. Yes, if we are depressed, we need to question our circumstances, or our beliefs, or behaviours, or biochemistry, or whatever may be going wrong. But there is one thing for certain. If we remember a time when we were really happy and trace it back to the factors that led us there, we can sometimes surprise ourselves. Successful times can have resulted from specific circumstances or behaviours, or from a different mind set, or from altered expectations, etc. In the process, we may find a way out of depression faster than if we focus solely on fixing problems.
Adding a positive focus when we analyze ourselves and others can unlock many secrets and act to prevent problems before they begin. Of this I am posi……certain!
Learning from your successes
(Source: Apprendre de nos réussites. Journal Métro; May 4, 2010)
We spend a great deal of time trying to figure out what goes wrong in our lives and how to fix it, don’t we? Rarely do we wonder what went right and try to learn from our successes.
What did I do wrong?
The natural thing to do when we are unhappy or when problems arise is to examine the situation and try to learn from our mistakes. This applies to many areas of life. When there are traffic tie-ups we try to identify bottlenecks. When countries go to war we look for the causes. When we are depressed or sick, we struggle to understand why and what we must do about it.
These are important things to do but they can only teach us so much. We may not always find the answers to all of our questions. More importantly, not all problems can be fixed once they occur.
What did I do right?
How often have you felt better after asking yourself the question, “What’s the matter with me?” Perhaps a better question should be, “Why did I feel so good that other time?”
I once worked with a couple that was constantly fighting. After many frustrating attempts at improving communication by trying to examine conflicts, I decided to ask them to try to remember the last time they had a great time together. They both picked the same evening.
In examining a time when they were happy together, we were able to identify the factors that led to that feeling. It turns out that they had a mindset where they expected less of each other and were better able to appreciate the qualities in the other person that made them fall in love in the first place.
Trying to change expectations and behaviours from the perspective of conflict or failure often gets us nowhere. We get defensive and closed-minded. When upset, emotions like anger or depression obscure our ability to see clearly.
Learning from success
While we can learn a lot by examining our failures we mustn’t miss out on the opportunity to learn from our successes as well. When we get along with others, when we are content, when traffic is moving smoothly, when there is peace, or whatever the positive circumstances, let’s not forget to ask ourselves why.
Tagged as Depression, learning from your successes, Martin Seligman, Positive psychology.
Posted in Depression, Happiness, Human nature.
Posted on 18 May 2010
