“Stimulus-driven.” That’s how I used to describe my son Tommy when he was young. Having spent seven years in a Vietnamese orphanage, his arrival in Canada introduced him to an entirely new set of stimuli, especially at the dinner table. Whenever he liked something he would pile more helpings of it on his plate even before he finished what was already there. Cruel parents that we were, we would always insist that if he took seconds he would have to finish whatever was on his plate. His siblings usually walked away from the dinner table with lots still left on their plates. Tommy was always left behind with a wad of mashed potato or rice in his mouth and a green look of nausea on his face.
The same went for his money. He would get excited about wanting something and buy it right away. Within minutes he would see something else and say, “Damn, I should have bought that instead.” Of course Tommy was a kid and has pretty much grown out of that phase. I know many adults who never did.
Some of us think about whatever is in front of our eyes with little regard for longer-term consequences. There is of course nothing wrong with seizing the moment. I have written about it previously. It is a good thing to act spontaneously at times and have some fun, even if there may be a price to pay later. Some people are far too conservative and this tends to rob them of much needed joy. However there are others who are controlled by more costly urges. For them, being stimulus-driven keeps them in a rut and prevents any meaningful change in their lives.
The following is a column I wrote on the perpetual dilemma we all face in trying to balance short and long-term pleasures.
Please me now or please me later
(Source: Journal Métro: Plaisir éphémère, plaisir durable, February 17, 2009)
Right now there is a delicious chocolate banana cake on my kitchen counter. I could easily eat the whole thing. It would certainly make me feel good and please me. Yet I also feel pretty good about having lost a few pounds recently. That pleases me too. Unfortunately, these two pleasures are clashing as I write this.
Short-term gain, long-term gain
Such is the reality of many pleasures in life. They act on different parts of our brains and often pit one need against another. Some of these needs are immediate and are subject to situational changes, such as hunger, or sexual attraction. They are controlled by the primitive parts of our brains. Other needs are controlled by the more analytical parts of our brains and reflect long-term goals such as maintaining healthy eating and exercise habits, career pursuits, relationships, etc. They generally remain steady over time.
Bad habits, bad situations
The list is long; the drug abuser who knows he is risking his career, the diabetic presented with a warm loaf of bread, the gambler at the poker table who hasn’t paid his rent, the woman in the unhappy relationship who doesn’t want to hurt her boyfriend, the guy in the dead end job afraid of change, I’m sure you could add your own example to this list. We all struggle between choices that please us immediately, or at least are easier to deal with on the short-term, and ones that will end up pleasing us or improving our lives down the road.
Listening to your brain
In pop psychology, we often hear the advice: Listen to your emotions. Well, that may not always be the best choice. In reality, your emotions normally give priority to the more immediate goals and are a detriment to long-term ones. That’s why we usually get into trouble. When we are in an emotional state, we normally do things in response to it, like opt for the status quo or eat the banana bread! The best advice may in fact be to ignore your emotions and do what you know makes the most sense…long-term.
Waves of emotion
Knowing that we are controlled by two opposing forces won’t fix all our bad habits and address bad situations. But it may help you to know that your emotions act like waves on a shore. If you resist them for a few moments, they dissipate. The result is a better balance between emotions and rational thought, and a greater resistance to bad choices.
Or you could simple wait until someone else finishes the cake!
Tagged as Delayed gratification, Goal-setting, stimulus-driven.
Posted on 24 Feb 2009
