In today’s Metro column, I tell a story of how depressed people, or those who tend to think poorly of themselves, are always finding proof for their beliefs.The idea of a negative schema (a strongly held belief, or what is often called a “core” belief) is important in the treatment of depression. In cognitive therapy of depression, the goal is to try to identify these schemas and to help the person see how they lead to a distortion of facts and events. It is these distortions that feed the negative thinking patterns in depression.This story is actually a follow-up of an earlier column called (I say “espresso”, you say “expresso”) from 2006.
The “espresso” column also examined how our schemas affect our interpretations of events in such a way as to contribute to poor self-esteem or to depressive feelings. The two columns actually refer to the same gentleman.
Do you remember my name?
Do you ever wonder why some people tend to be unhappy most of the time? You probably know many such individuals or may even be one yourself. Is it part of some people’s very nature to be chronically unhappy and, if so, why?
One of the reasons for this is that such individuals tend to have negative fundamental beliefs about who they are. These biases then distort how they see events and constantly fuel the negative feelings. Here’s an example.
I once treated a depressed man. He had very little self-esteem and felt like a failure. One of the things he often said to himself was that he was just a cleaner, and that people at work didn’t even know his name. That’s how unimportant he was.
About two years later, we happened to meet in a park while watching a little league baseball game. We recognized each other and engaged in some small talk. A few minutes later he looked at me and said, “Do you remember my name?” Since we had only met for a few sessions, it was through sheer luck that I did happen to remember his name. It could have gone either way since I can sometimes forget the names of my own kids!
What’s interesting about this story is the fact that this man has probably forgotten our exchange. I’m sure he said to himself, “Well of course he remembered my name, I was his client,” and then quickly dismissed it. He would be unlikely to change his belief that he is an unimportant person.
But what if I had forgotten his name? In such a case I’m sure he would have taken it as proof of his belief that he is a failure and an insignificant human being. “See. Even my psychologist didn’t remember my name!” He would probably still remember this incident twenty years from now.
Such is the nature of biases, or what are called negative core beliefs. They tend to confirm themselves through selective attention. We dismiss or do not remember things that don’t fit our beliefs, and we pay attention to those that do.
Poor self-esteem comes from many sources. The problem is that once it is established, it becomes a bias that feeds itself. That is why people who think they are defective tend to remain unhappy for much of their lives. They are constantly finding proof of it…usually unfairly.
Tagged as Depression, negative self-perceptions, self-esteem.
Posted in Depression, Happiness.
Posted on 21 Nov 2007
