The browser and the browsed

Hi folks. Here’s something I wrote last week. It explores the modern day reality of internet dating.

Computer dating and the shoemaker

(source: Trouver chaussure à son pied. Journal Métro, April 5, 2011)

Gluttony of choice. That’s what its all about these days. No matter what you are looking for, the choices usually seem limitless. This of course applies to two important areas in life – choosing a pair of shoes and choosing someone to fall in love with.

The shoemaker

In frontier days buying a pair of shoes was easy. You went to the village shoemaker and ordered a pair. There was no such thing as browsing. The shoes were pretty standard – black, good sturdy sole, and built to last. Fast forward to 2011 and the buying experience is quite different. Browsing is now a fundamental part of the process. First you walk into a shoe store and check out the dozens of styles and colours. Most likely you then walk into a dozen other shoe stores to see what they have before you narrow down your choice. Finally, you go back and look for the best price on the shoes you selected before making the purchase – assuming, of course,you still have room in your closet.

Looking for that special someone

Back in the shoemaker’s village, finding a mate was not too complicated. There were only a few people to choose from – the farmer’s daughter, the shoemaker’s son, and maybe one or two others. Fast forward to the big city in 2011 and where does one begin.

Many people use internet dating services to find a lover. Despite its initial sleazy reputation, internet dating services are now the top way to meet someone. The problem with internet dating is that browsing is now a fundamental part of the process. The more choices we have, the more likely we are to browse as a first step.

Few people, especially those who have had a bad experience in a previous relationship, are prepared to commit before they have seen what’s out there. This means they may go out on several dates with different people before making the slightest commitment. This may seem natural when you are the browser, but what is its impact on the ‘browsee?’

Just looking

Shoes may not take it personally if you are ‘just looking,’ and want to try on a number of pairs before you buy. People, on the other hand, may not be so detached. This means that you may have to change your expectations and see rejection differently when using the web to find a partner.

The more you increase choice in any area, the more you increase rejection. If you take it too personally when someone continues browsing after meeting you, then maybe internet dating services are not for you. But if you can handle being ‘browsed,’ the sheer number of contacts that the internet can provide represents a tremendously rich source of potential relationships.

Tagged as computer dating, finding a mate, internet dating services.

Posted in Relationships.

Posted on 14 Apr 2011